It’s just me tonight, folks, from snowy Boston.

I spent the last week in Florida hanging out with my Dad, and decided to introduce him to LOST.  We watched most of Season 1.  His impression?  “This is a REALLY confusing show.” Yeah.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him nothing changes in the next five seasons ;)  I’m actually finishing up the last episode of Season 1 right now, as I wait for the DVR to tape the first part of tonight’s episode.  Who has two thumbs, a ridiculous amount of time on her hands, and yet doesn’t waste time on commercials??  THIS GUY.

I recommend you go back and watch the first seasons, if you have a chance.  I’ve loved drawing parallels between then and now.  It’s nice to see the writers actually take into account where they started and what we’ve been told (well, most of the time anyhow).  And BONUS, you get to see plenty of Boone

Also, two heartwarming moments:

1. Sawyer tells Jack about the conversation he had with Jack’s father in Sidney.   So touching.

2. Jin gives Michael THE watch, while they are trying to sail away from the island.  Man he learned English fast. (tried to link, but couldn’t find it on youtube!  So I gave up.)

….and here we go!

Another Locke-centric episode.  Not a good idea to push yourself off the ramp, Locke….shit.  Woah!  It’s Helen!  (BTW, Season 1: Locke talks to a phone-sex operator named…HELEN.  Why didn’t the writers call her something else?).  And there they are talking about “destiny.”  So, I’m confused.  Why isn’t THIS Locke f’d up from his father like our Locke?  How far back do they changes go for our alt-universe plane survivors?? –>NOTE: This was cleared up by Patty M.  After the real Helen dumped Locke, Locke paid a phone-sex operator and asked that she go by the name Helen.  Solved!

Ok, Smoke Monster is trolling around the island, making is stupid cash-register noise.  Great, he’s back in Locke’s body.  And now we’re going to get some answers from Richard!

Randy, that DICK from the real world, is a DICK in the alternate world as well.  You can’t fire Locke!

So the devil wants Richard to come with him.  Locke was a candidate….for something.  Look at him trying to mess with Richard’s mind - stay strong Richard!  Don’t let the devil mess with you!

Oooh, golden child in the forest.  Only the devil sees him - I bet that’s Jacob when he was a child.

There’s Ben!  And that girl (no one cares about) from the second plane crash.  Lying about Jacob’s killer.  Ben is such a coward.  Hmm, is she going to recreate Jacob from ASHES.  Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust.

The devil is recruiting, for more people to join his evil plot.  Ooh, and now he’s going to recruit Sawyer.  He’s going to feed on Sawyer’s grief to get him to do his evil bidding.

Man, this is a bit too Biblical for my blood.

I love Sawyer, he’s so…..real.  Him and his whiskey.  Haha, he knows it isn’t Locke!  Sawyer can read people!

“Well I guess I better put some pants on.”

Poor Locke, he just can’t catch a break in this alt-universe (or ANY universe for that matter).  HURLEY!  Haha, remember when he said he owned a box company in Season 1.  I made that connection…yup, I did.  I’s so smart!  Haha, Hugo is awesome in the alt-universe.  Randy Nations IS a huge douche!  Yes.

Well, there’s Sun with that girl that I don’t care about.  Yes, bury Locke, you horrible girl.  Sun will teach you some manners!  About how we do it, old-style (2004) on the isle.

“The kid? hell yeah I can see him!”

Does the devil get tired?  Haha, and he speaks like Locke, “DON’T TELL ME WHAT I CAN’T DO!!”

So maybe that’s not Baby Jesus/Jacob.  Maybe it’s just some kid from the temple.

And here’s Richard, again.  Ooh, poor Richard is scared.

Dude, what a weird temp agency.  “What kind of animal would you describe yourself as?”  CREEPY.

Rose!  I love her.  Rose still has cancer.  I knew it.  Damn it.  Why does her life suck off the island?  I hate the writers for doing that.

Sawyer WOULD like “Mice and Men.”

So the devil is trapped on this island.  Tell us about your life before the island, please.

So Sun takes them back to our beach, with all our dead people - there are A LOT of crosses, btw.  Oh great, let Ben speak.  Locke would roll over in his grave.

Aww, the sad music.  And Ben confesses.  HE CONFESSES.

“The weirdest damn funeral I’ve ever been to.”  Well put, Captain.

Poor Paralyzed Locke.  I hate watching this.

Yes, PLEASE call Jack.  For the love of Jacob.  Don’t hang up!  You’re a believer!  The John Locke I know is a believer!  So he didn’t go on the walk-about in this universe, either.  He lied to Boone, just like I thought.

There ARE no miracles in this universe.  Rose has cancer, Locke is paralyzed, Kate’s on the run, Charlie is an addict/suicidal.

Great, tear up Jack’s number.  Idiots.

Oh, how convenient.  There’s a freaking ladder off the side of the cliff.  This has disaster written all over it.

Ok devil, you saved Sawyer.  You get one point.

And into the cave we go.  The balance.  The WHITE and BLACK stones.  He threw the white stone (aka Jacob, aka Good), into the ocean.

All of their names are written on the ceiling:

4 - LOCKE, 8 - REYES, 15 - FORD, 16 - JARRAH, 23 - SHEPARD, 42 - KWON (Kate is missing)

are not crossed out. (the numbers aren’t the seat numbers, because Kwon was not 42.  Ana Lucia was, I learned that from Season 1.  However, Jack was in 23B, so…)

Girls’ Coach.  Biology Teacher.  Substitute!

BEN!!!

“Jacob had a thing for numbers.”  I’ll say.

So Jacob was apparently looking for substitutes (get it!  Locke is a Sub in the alt-world!) to take over the island-protecting…apparently.  And apparently the devil can only get off the island if someone takes him off?

James.  Why didn’t you ask him why he needs YOU to get off the island?

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