So I always wait until the DVR is about 30 minutes into the show before I start watching.  I hate commercials.  Tonight, I’m on Disc 2 of Season 3 in my “let’s rewatch all of LOST to try and get some clues as to where this show is going to end up” marathon.

A couple of things that are bugging me:

In Season 3, Ben is discussing Jack with some of The Others and they are baffled as to why he has such as interest in him, seeing that “he wasn’t even on Jacob’s list.”  Now, we know why Ben needed Jack - in the beginning - because of his spine tumor.  What’s strange to me, knowing what I know now, is the claim that Jack wasn’t on Jacob’s list.  Did they mean Jacob’s “bad” list?  Cause we know Jack’s on the list of Jacob’s candidates (or, at least that’s what we’ve been told).  My guess: during Season 3 they had no idea where the show was headed so they said whatever they wanted.

The other strange thing.   So Juliet makes this big speech to Jack about wanting him to operate on Ben and save his life, all the while she plays the stupid silent movie of her holding up the flash cards saying everything is a lie, don’t believe Ben, kill him, blah blah blah.  Great, makes sense.  Then, during the surgery, when Jack goes rogue, Juliet is all “bring back Sawyer and Kate.  Kill them if you have to.”  This doesn’t make any sense.  Is she really going that far to make The Others believe she’s on their side, before Jack “accidentally” kills Ben?  To me, it didn’t seem that way.  She seemed very serious.  And Jack must have thought so too, cause he totally rats her out to them.

Anyways, things to ponder.

On to tonight’s episode!

Aww, cute family photos of Jack - dude, he looked SO YOUNG in that first one.  Uh oh, there’s a scar on his abdomen - his HOT abdomen.  So wait, did Jack NOT have his appendix taken out in the other world?  DUDE, Jack has a kid named DAVID???  What the f?  Who’s the mother?  Shut up, alternate universe.  SHUT. UP.

Hurley and Miles are my new favorite duo….Jacob!  Talking slang, no less.  Hmm, who’s coming to the island?  Interesting.

Alice in Wonderland, I just love the literary references they’ve thrown into LOST over the years.  Now I need to look up the Biblical David and figure out the significance of his kid’s name.  LOST makes me think too much.

SIDENOTE: It was my understanding, from last episode, that the survivor’s lifes alternated the minute that Jacob entered into it (different points for everyone).  So the alternate universe should reflect this.  However, it’s not really adding up.  Jack didn’t see Jacob until well past the time that he would have had a child, so how does he have one now?  Also, Locke doesn’t see him until his Dad throws him off the building, which never seemed to have happened in ALT world.  So I’m confused.  Is everything about their lives different in ALT world?

Haha, Hurley, giving orders.  I love it.  “Why don’t YOU go back to the courtyard?”

“I just lied to a samarai.”

So I’m wondering if Jacob is all that “good.”  There are a lot of theories that the devil man (my name for him) is actually the good one.  I’m confused.  Wow, so Jack knows that’s what Jacob would say to him.  That phrase is actually the opposite of what Jack’s dad used to say - yes, I know all of you remember that, I’m guess sayin’.

So Claire is all Rousseau’d out, complete with a crazy dead-animal baby with fur.  And netting.  Nice touch.  Hmm, Jin doesn’t know that Aaron is with Claire’s mom, does he?  That’s too bad, he could just tell her.

And there’s Kate.  Looking for Claire.  Interesting, it’s like everyone’s on their own now.  Everyone’s got their own agenda.  Well, it’s about time.  If we’re going to wrap things up, we need everyone to work on a different problem

Oooh, the will is going to mention Claire!  NICE.  I knew we needed to connect those two in ALT world.  Well, in ALT world, Christian is still a cheater.

Ok, so who’s Claire’s “friend” and why won’t she say the friend’s name.  Weird, and stupid.  God, there must be some way that Jin knows the baby isn’t on the island.  I’m just so confused by what’s happened that I can’t figure it out.

Back at the cave.  Shannon’s inhaler.  The two skeletons.  And Hurley is the genius who figured out that the might be them.  And that’s what a lot of people believe, they think it’s Rose and what’s his face.  Jesus, what was the dentist’s name?

Dude, David’s gone.  Totally saw that one coming.  Uh oh, who’s the mom!!??  Aww, he’s a composer.  And he’s competing!  Aww, and Jack left him a message.  Sweet…..so who’s the mom!!??

Hmm, Jacob didn’t see Hurley until AFTER he left the island.  I think he’s the only one that sees him after they crashed.  And now we’re at a lighthouse, that we’ve never seen before.  What are the odds?

Crazy Claire is only marginally more tolerable than regular Claire.  They tortured Claire just like Sayid.  What?  Now Jin’s speaking up?  What the hell?  Guy, you need to shut up.  Claire is vulnerable, she will kill your ass….and there she goes.

So what’s the view from the top of the lighthouse going to be?  Haha, I would love for Jack’s kid toplay the music fom LOST.  That would be awesome.  I want to say Kate is the mom, but that doesn’t fit her ALT world.  That is the Samarai’s kid!  Excellent.

Is that the stupid time travel wheel?  108 degrees, seriously?  Oooh, are those names on the wheel?  It’s the world.  It’s the whole freaking world.   They pull people in from everywhere.  Ooh, what do we see at 23!?  It’s Jack’s house, from his childhood.

Umm, why don’t we turn it to 108?  Oh Shit, he’s breaking the glass.  Great.  Idiot.

So obviously Jacob knew jack would do that.

Back to David.  Like father, like son, like grandson.  And he’s righting the past.  Kinda nice to see something good happening in ALT world.  Also, bullshit that his mom wasn’t at that audition.

Back to Jacob.  And why couldn’t have Hurley have seen him?  He sees dead people.  That’s his thing.  Whatever, like Jacob can’t be seen on the lighthouse or something?  And now Hurley gets it.  I wonder what was at 108?

Someone bad coming to the temple?  Claire?

Why doesn’t Claire believe him?  Why is Jin now lying?  What is Jin playing along?  Did he really think Claire was going to kill him?

Great, so devil man is her friend.  Who has no name.  So this just makes me believe, even more, that Jacob’s good and not evil.

It’s just me tonight, folks, from snowy Boston.

I spent the last week in Florida hanging out with my Dad, and decided to introduce him to LOST.  We watched most of Season 1.  His impression?  “This is a REALLY confusing show.” Yeah.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him nothing changes in the next five seasons ;)  I’m actually finishing up the last episode of Season 1 right now, as I wait for the DVR to tape the first part of tonight’s episode.  Who has two thumbs, a ridiculous amount of time on her hands, and yet doesn’t waste time on commercials??  THIS GUY.

I recommend you go back and watch the first seasons, if you have a chance.  I’ve loved drawing parallels between then and now.  It’s nice to see the writers actually take into account where they started and what we’ve been told (well, most of the time anyhow).  And BONUS, you get to see plenty of Boone

Also, two heartwarming moments:

1. Sawyer tells Jack about the conversation he had with Jack’s father in Sidney.   So touching.

2. Jin gives Michael THE watch, while they are trying to sail away from the island.  Man he learned English fast. (tried to link, but couldn’t find it on youtube!  So I gave up.)

….and here we go!

Another Locke-centric episode.  Not a good idea to push yourself off the ramp, Locke….shit.  Woah!  It’s Helen!  (BTW, Season 1: Locke talks to a phone-sex operator named…HELEN.  Why didn’t the writers call her something else?).  And there they are talking about “destiny.”  So, I’m confused.  Why isn’t THIS Locke f’d up from his father like our Locke?  How far back do they changes go for our alt-universe plane survivors?? –>NOTE: This was cleared up by Patty M.  After the real Helen dumped Locke, Locke paid a phone-sex operator and asked that she go by the name Helen.  Solved!

Ok, Smoke Monster is trolling around the island, making is stupid cash-register noise.  Great, he’s back in Locke’s body.  And now we’re going to get some answers from Richard!

Randy, that DICK from the real world, is a DICK in the alternate world as well.  You can’t fire Locke!

So the devil wants Richard to come with him.  Locke was a candidate….for something.  Look at him trying to mess with Richard’s mind - stay strong Richard!  Don’t let the devil mess with you!

Oooh, golden child in the forest.  Only the devil sees him - I bet that’s Jacob when he was a child.

There’s Ben!  And that girl (no one cares about) from the second plane crash.  Lying about Jacob’s killer.  Ben is such a coward.  Hmm, is she going to recreate Jacob from ASHES.  Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust.

The devil is recruiting, for more people to join his evil plot.  Ooh, and now he’s going to recruit Sawyer.  He’s going to feed on Sawyer’s grief to get him to do his evil bidding.

Man, this is a bit too Biblical for my blood.

I love Sawyer, he’s so…..real.  Him and his whiskey.  Haha, he knows it isn’t Locke!  Sawyer can read people!

“Well I guess I better put some pants on.”

Poor Locke, he just can’t catch a break in this alt-universe (or ANY universe for that matter).  HURLEY!  Haha, remember when he said he owned a box company in Season 1.  I made that connection…yup, I did.  I’s so smart!  Haha, Hugo is awesome in the alt-universe.  Randy Nations IS a huge douche!  Yes.

Well, there’s Sun with that girl that I don’t care about.  Yes, bury Locke, you horrible girl.  Sun will teach you some manners!  About how we do it, old-style (2004) on the isle.

“The kid? hell yeah I can see him!”

Does the devil get tired?  Haha, and he speaks like Locke, “DON’T TELL ME WHAT I CAN’T DO!!”

So maybe that’s not Baby Jesus/Jacob.  Maybe it’s just some kid from the temple.

And here’s Richard, again.  Ooh, poor Richard is scared.

Dude, what a weird temp agency.  “What kind of animal would you describe yourself as?”  CREEPY.

Rose!  I love her.  Rose still has cancer.  I knew it.  Damn it.  Why does her life suck off the island?  I hate the writers for doing that.

Sawyer WOULD like “Mice and Men.”

So the devil is trapped on this island.  Tell us about your life before the island, please.

So Sun takes them back to our beach, with all our dead people - there are A LOT of crosses, btw.  Oh great, let Ben speak.  Locke would roll over in his grave.

Aww, the sad music.  And Ben confesses.  HE CONFESSES.

“The weirdest damn funeral I’ve ever been to.”  Well put, Captain.

Poor Paralyzed Locke.  I hate watching this.

Yes, PLEASE call Jack.  For the love of Jacob.  Don’t hang up!  You’re a believer!  The John Locke I know is a believer!  So he didn’t go on the walk-about in this universe, either.  He lied to Boone, just like I thought.

There ARE no miracles in this universe.  Rose has cancer, Locke is paralyzed, Kate’s on the run, Charlie is an addict/suicidal.

Great, tear up Jack’s number.  Idiots.

Oh, how convenient.  There’s a freaking ladder off the side of the cliff.  This has disaster written all over it.

Ok devil, you saved Sawyer.  You get one point.

And into the cave we go.  The balance.  The WHITE and BLACK stones.  He threw the white stone (aka Jacob, aka Good), into the ocean.

All of their names are written on the ceiling:

4 - LOCKE, 8 - REYES, 15 - FORD, 16 - JARRAH, 23 - SHEPARD, 42 - KWON (Kate is missing)

are not crossed out. (the numbers aren’t the seat numbers, because Kwon was not 42.  Ana Lucia was, I learned that from Season 1.  However, Jack was in 23B, so…)

Girls’ Coach.  Biology Teacher.  Substitute!

BEN!!!

“Jacob had a thing for numbers.”  I’ll say.

So Jacob was apparently looking for substitutes (get it!  Locke is a Sub in the alt-world!) to take over the island-protecting…apparently.  And apparently the devil can only get off the island if someone takes him off?

James.  Why didn’t you ask him why he needs YOU to get off the island?

We are live blogging from Patrick’s Posh Loft in Orlando!!

Guest blogger, Patty M. and yours truly are here to give you the scoop. We also have four other pals with us -

We are like the Oceanic Six up in this joint!

Both Patrick and I will be giving commentary on tonight’s episode. I’ll put my comments first, followed by Patrick’s. Let’s get started!

KJ

Sawyer is all kinds of pissed about Juliet. He is planning some shit.

Alt-world Kate is holding Claire hostage. She sees Jack – she recognizes him!

So these temple people have healed Sayid somehow, with the dirty water. And Mortal Kombat Kim is leader of THESE Others. Don’t trust them. That’s right, bitches, Sawyer’s in charge. Ok, now MKK is speaking in English.

“Don’t come after me,” just like Jack said to Kate in Season 3.

Dude, are they torturing Sayid? They are blowing dust on him and are torturing him with a crank machine. WTF?!! They are going to brand him? Are they trying to see if he heals himself?

By lying to Sayid did he mean that he didn’t pass the test or that they aren’t going to hurt him anymore?

Apparently Kate went back to the island for Claire? What? Why? She needs to get the F out of Dodge, what is she doing this for? This has always been Kate’s problem, she tries to save people. Just like Jack.

So has the temple always been there? Like all five seasons? Listen to the black man, white boy. Rousseau’s been dead for years . So are these people part of The Others? Or were they?

Why did those guards listen to Jack? The Hippie and MKK are crazy. He speaks English whenever he feels like it now. Great, and now he’s guilting Jack, way to strike at his heart. Redemption is like gold to Jack.

Miles is funny. Take the green pill. I don’t know whether or not to believe them. Also great is Sayid now only trusts Jack for advice? WTF? Doesn’t he have his own thoughts? So where is everyone on the island right now? In this 1997 island?

Her husband left her! Dude, Claire and Kate, calm it down. Her husband left her!

Kate is back at the houses and they are super deserted, but I can’t place in the timeline what is going on. Aww, Sawyer has pictures and stuff. I think.

Dude, they would totally know what cab number it was on Kate’s cab. Ethan!! Wow. “I don’t want to have to stick you with needles if I don’t have to.” Irony. Irony! Claire’s bitching in the alt-universe just like the real one. Aaron? WTF? She never named the baby she was giving away! What is this?!

So Kate’s come back to get Claire? Great. Bring the complaining back. And now Sawyer is blaming himself that Juliet dying is his fault. And now he’s crying L He was going to ask her to marry him? AWWW. And now Kate is crying – which she does every episode basically.

Dogan was brought here – you know, like everyone else.

OH NO!!!! Jack ate it!!! POISON!

The police are looking for Kate! And Claire covered for her. Nice. Fine, so Claire said the name Aaron earlier. WHATEVER.

They think Sayid has been possessed by the devil. Why would Jacob do that to him?

It happened to Claire!?

Eek! Animal trap! CLAIRE!!!!!!

PATRICK

The second plane is the alternate plane that jack, hurley, kate, locke, and sun crashed on after they had returned to the mainland.

Claire is at the people’s house, and something is wrong. The husband has left the wife, and they dont need the baby anymore.  I mean, who needs an australian baby. I’m just saying.

Sawyer is breaking up the floorboards in one of the Others houses, presumably his own. There was a shoebox- what was in it.

OK in Alt Universe, Kate takes Claire to the airport/hospital?

Ethan is the doctor? and he claims to be Dr.Goodspeed- but that was Horus! Why the confusion??

They said “Aaron” is going to be a good baby. How did they know that Aaron was his name!!?!?!?

You asked me why I came back to the island?- I need to find Claire.

What parallels Island Kate/Claire with LA Kate/Claire.?? There is still some connection.

“Dogan”? - “It makes it easier to make decisions ”

The pill will eliminate the infection: but what the infection is?

Why does Sayid have to die? especially when they saved him first?

Whats in the pill? POISON?

Joan Heart? Kate is gonna get caught!

Why do they keep saying ‘Aaron’?!

Why WOULD ‘you people’ want to kill Sayid? Sayid has been ‘claimed’, thats why. The darkness is growign in him, and once it reaches his heart he will be gone.

OMG CLAIRES ALIVE!

It’s here!!  IT’S HERE!!!!

Well, almost.  Of course we have the hour-long recap of five seasons.  Creepy that they have Ben voicing this business.  He is very monotone, like Ben Stein.  Yeah, there’s just no way to get across how awesome this show is by giving 90 seconds to each character and situation.   And if you think you’re going to start watching LOST at Season Six and you’re not going to watch the first five beforehand….well, that’s just stupid.

Ok, I’m not saying another word until the real show starts.

…………………….here we go!

I can’t believe I fell for the fake Locke.  And I really can’t believe he burned Jacob (i.e. God).  Ok, so technically the preview portion of the episode, but still!  I can’t believe that happened.

So we’re on a plane, same scene as always.  But this time, Jack seems a little disoriented.  And I’m not talking about the booze.  Rose makes the same old joke about planes - hey, it’s like Groundhog Day!  Which is extremely funny considering it’s, well, Groundhog’s Day.

So the plane lands.  I’m already feeling bad about this.  I don’t like it one bit.   Rose still has cancer, Locke’s still paralyzed, Jack’s bleeding…Jack’s bleeding?  Desmond.  You know Desmond!  Make the connection!  No, not the stupid running of the stadium stairs.  Something else!  Ugh, this is frustrating.

OH.MY.FREAKING.GOD.  It’s underwater!  The damn island is underwater!!  I gotta go fix myself a drink.

….and we’re all set to go again.

The eye opening beginning like before, but not it’s Kate.  And her hearing is so screwed up, it’s upsetting ME.  Well, obviously she’s not on the island, right?  Cause that bitch is underwater.  Right?  Or maybe it’s not right now.  Oh dammit, and there’s Miles.  The island?  No.  Wait.  WHAT?

What the HELL is going ON!?

And Hurley’s the luckiest guy alive now?  That doesn’t even make sense!!!!!

I am not liking this alternate universe crap.

Juliet vs. Sayid.  Save Sayid!

Vincent?  Wait, that’s not Vincent, that’s God.  (DOG backwards spells…)

Ahh, Boone.  So hot.  Such a hot vampire now.  Chatting with Locke, who’s not the devil anymore.  Wait just a damn second…is Locke not paralyzed!!!???

Wait just a damn minute!

Oh jeez, Ben is going to kill himself.  For reals.  He’s in shock.

So the plane people are 2004 and the island people are 2007 I think.

“John wants to talk to me??”  Hahahahahaha.  Poor poor Ben.

So Jacob is dead.  But Hurley can talk to him (”I see dead people!”) and now we are going to save Sayid.  THANK GOD.

Oh Sawyer, shut up about killing Jack.  You barely love Juliet.

Yes!  It’s Jack to get Charlie!  And Sayid!  And Charlie is totally dead.  Still.  Nevermind - stupid ass druggie.

So why am I totally uninterested in this devil-turn-Locke?  And then we find out he’s the black monster.  Well fine.  I don’t care.  He makes sounds like a freaking cash register.  Find your own identity, devil!  Stop using Locke for evil!

Oh no, the sad sad LOST music.  I can’t handle it.  That music is in my bones.

Where’s Desmond?  Is Hurley’s Grandma still alive?  Is Sayid’s girl alive?  Could they not get Maggie Grace to make an appearance?  Really?  What the hell is she even doing now?  Did Kate not ask that Marshall for a favor this time around?

Lock IS paralyzed.  He was lying to Boone!

And hour one is over.

Jack looks good in alternate world.  Umm, excuse me?  The coffin is gone?!  YES!  Christian is on the island!  And you know this!

“Who brings a book into a cave?”  Oh Hurley, how I missed you.

Jesus, MORE OTHERS??!!

Whoa, Marshall’s name is Edward.  Also, there is NO WAY an airport bathroom would be empty.   Especially a womens’ bathroom.  GO KATE GO!

Ok, who they hell are these people?  What the F.  Why is the asian man in charge?  Haha, that’s a stupid question.  Dude, these are a bunch of hippies.

Uggh, old Jin and Sun suuuuccck.

Dude, the killed him!  WTF!

Ok, so there are children in the temple?   As in, these people can magically have children?  I feel like I’m watching Babylon 5 or something.  Which is weird, cause I’ve never even seen that show.  But there’s something about these temple people that just scream “Star Trek.”

Owww, Ben is getting SCHOOLED!!!  The devil is schooling him!  And he looks so evil.

Sayid doesn’t look dead.  He looks like he’s sleeping.  Wait, and that’s why Miles can’t read him!

Jack and Locke, together again.  The coffin didn’t get on the plane bc the plane would have crashed.

“Nothing’s irreversible.”

Richard just got knocked the F out!

And there’s my boy Sayid!

All right people, count it down: 7 days to go until the next episode.