So, I didn’t blog last week’s episode.  It was the first time this season that I’ve watched without typing.  Strange.  Anyway, the reason I missed last week was that I didn’t have my laptop at home.  And of course that didn’t stop me from watching the episode, or even waiting to watch it.  I might go back and blog about it…but probably not.  Let’s be honest, I’m pretty damn lazy.

I’m watching Glee while I wait for LOST to finish.  I’m kind of hesitating starting it.  I mean, there’s only 3.5 hours left.  3.5!!  Ever!!  It’s depressing.  All I can hope is that the end lives up to a majority of my expectations.

Gulp.

Ok, time to push “play.”

“What They Died For” -

Eyelids open.  It’s Jack in the States…with a hickey?  Nevermind, that’s just a cut, haha.  Man, WHO is his ex?  Does it even matter?  I need to know.  COMMENT: The grapevine, i.e. Entertainment Weekly’s Doc Jensen, believes Juliet will be ex.  I mean, I guess that would help to get her where we need her to be for the last episode…she’ll be at the concert.  It’s a stretch, but what is LOST if not a bunch of damn stretches??

FINALLY, they found the f’ing coffin.  Nevermind, it’s Demond.  That sonofabitch, he’s good.

FINALLY, they are repairing Kate’s wound.  I was so sure they were going to forget all about it.  You know, after Kate freaking lived through the submarine explosion and such.  I just thought they would throw away that storyline.

And then there were four.  Sawyer’s got that pissed look on his face, so we’re good to go.

Haha, is Demond going to run Locke over again?!  That would be hilarious.  Man, Ben without glasses looks wrong to me.  Woah!  Desmond beating the stuffing out of Ben.  And Ben has a flashback, which is odd.   I didn’t think anyone off the plane would “remember” the island.

BEN!  MILES!  RICHARD!  I thought I’d never seen them again.  Well ok, that’s not true.  But I missed them.

“Well, I lived in those houses 30 years before you did.  Otherwise known as LAST WEEK.” - Miles for the win.  BAM!

We’re inside of the “secreter” room and I just love how organized Ben’s shirts/pants are, reminds me of Danny Tanner from “Full House.”

THAT BITCH.  I hate her and her stupid nerdy glasses.  Worst character ever, which is saying something on LOST.  Charles Whidmore, seriously?  Why hasn’t someone killed him yet?  I need him not at all.  Not.  At.  All.  Uggh, kill her Ben!  Hmm, I don’t believe Charles at all.  I don’t think Jacob lifted one finger to talk to him.

Back to alt universe - how the hell didn’t Locke see Ben getting the CRAP beat of him?  He was rolling himself out of the parking lot when it happened.  I mean, really??

Desmond’s become quite the bad ass in this universe, and I’m lovin’ every minute of it.  Four birds with one….jailing?  I think that’s a pretty grand accomplishment.

Aww, Sawyer thinks he caused the bombing.  Which is probably true.  A theory I’ve had this past week is that the bomb wouldn’t have gone off unless one of them bothered with it (that’s courtesy of Patty M.).  So yeah, Sawyer, GOOD JOB.

Child Jacob came for his ashes, this must be important.  Now Big Jacob!  Crap, he’s burning his ashes.  Time for the changing of the guard, no?

Whatcha got there in that canoe there, Locke?

Richard and Ben, the eternal non-candidates.  Here comes Smokey….but he can’t kill Richard, no one can.  Ben, on the other hand, he might be in some trouble.  Wow, that was quick.  Did Smokey just throw Richard in the forest for fun?

Ben is scared.  I thought he was going to lie to Smokey, but apparently not.  He must have something up his sleeve, I’m hoping at least.  I’d hate to think he’s turned bad again.

It’s family dinner night in the Rosseau-Linus household!  Jesus, I just know that Danielle and Ben are getting together.  Creepy, yet not that creepy, since Rosseau seems normal in this world.

What’s your deal, Ben?!  Damn!  I know I didn’t like nerdy girl (Zoey), but…DAMN!

OHMYGOD!!!!  Ben totally totally killed Charles.  With not a word to him beforehand.

“Ben, you never cease to amaze me.”

“Good.  Did you say there were some other people to kill?”

Back at the campfire -

HOLY CRAP!  THEY CAN ALL SEE HIM!!!

Kate’s running her mouth, to Jacob.  Man, this is why she’s not a candidate.

Yes!  The story!!!  The story why!!!!

(well, we already know Kate’s not going to get it)

Locke is connecting the dots, freaking finally.  And he wants to be fixed.  Freaking finally.

STORYTIME!

Kate was crossed off because she became a mother?   Wow, that is not the COOL answer I wanted, haha.

He’s not going to pick, he’s going to give them a choice.  Nice.

“I’ll do it.”  I started writing that before Jack said it.  I’M THAT GOOD.  Ha!

Aww, I love teary-eyed Jack…which is him like 78% of the time.

And we’re off to find the light!

So Jack doesn’t have to drink the wine or anything?  Wait, problem solved.  We’ll just do some voodoo on the water.  Umm, perhaps he should tell Jack about the voodoo, or maybe that will come to him later?

Transformation, complete.

Desmond’s got connections.

Hey!  Ana Lucia!!!  When did they let her back on the show?!  NICE!!

** This is for Patrick Malone - Yes, yes I saw that Hurley called out Ana Lucia and she didn’t know who he was and he’s all “oh nevermind, I don’t know you.”  Yes, yes I saw that.  Happy now??  HUGS and KISSES!! **

Hurley’s got the cash!  When did Desmond speak to him?

They’re going to the concert to pick up Jack!

And then they’re headed to….the island?  Where??

Oh great, now HE wants to blow up the island.

Preview for the finale:  Who’s doing the creepy voiceover in the preview?  It’s a woman’s voice, very soft…and annoying.

Man, I don’t know how I’m going to make it through Sunday night.  So sad.

So we’re back after a one-week hiatus. I’m not gonna lie, it was tough. The only thing that helped me through it? Glee! Yes, you have to write an exclamation point after you write it. Always.

This week is “The Candidate.”  And to be honest, when I saw the show’s title I though it was a re-run.  I could have sworn they already named an episode this.  But I guess not.

Jack to the rescue!  Will Locke be able to walk??  Hmm, maybe not yet.

He’s a “candidate.”  You like that, people?  You like what I they did just there?  Yeah, I thought so.

Jack’s in a canoe.  On land.  With Sayid.

Meanwhile, Whidmore’s people have captured our people.  Bad move.  Haha, I love how Saywer just took doughboy’s gun when he tried to stick him in the cage.  Also, how many more times is Sawyer going to get hit in the groin (literally) for Kate?  Also, why isn’t she a candidate!?  I’m still puzzled by that one.

Hey, I never knew Bernard’s last name!  Nice.  So they made the connection (from the plane) and Jack got Anthony Cooper’s name.  I wonder why Bernard remembers his name and is so coy about it.  We also find out it’s only been a week since they got off the plane.

So everyone’s gone except for Smokey, Sayid, and Jack.  What a strange trio.  Smokey is talking brute force with Jack, he always uses force to get what he wants…or the threat of force.

I didn’t think Kate’s name was even written in the cave?  Was it there and crossed out?  I can’t remember anymore.

Jin and Sun are making up for “lost” time, and talking in English (I still call BS on that).

Uh oh, here comes Smokey!  Now that the electrical field is down, he can get in.  Shit’s about to go down.

“I’m with him” - Jack.

“Him” being a black smoke monster, but whatever.

The group is back together again and headed to the plane.  Jack insists he staying, he’s not meant to go.  Dude, these people are packing.  Soul-less Sayid shows up, I’m still pissed he’s not himself anymore.

Dude, what’s up with Anthony??  What happened to him?

Ok, answers.  Finally.  John’s father got what he deserved, it looks like.  Just in another life.  Also, he looks like one of those petrified people from one of the “Harry Potter” movies.  I bet Locke was driving the car that caused the accident.

And Locke’s stealing watches, does he really need for one?  I’m sure it serves some other purpose.  And now he’s got something…not sure what.  Bomb?

I guess it was a bomb.

So now Smokey’s pushing a submarine.  And now Sawyer’s trusting him.

And I totally know that Smokey is going to force Jack to leave with them.

Haha, he doesn’t trust him, I knew it.  Good Sawyer.

Push the button!  He remembers!

Hee,  hee.   Jack got the candy bar this time.  And here’s sister Claire to visit.

I bet it’s going to play “that song,” that little music box.

So Jack’s dad ends up in the same fate, so matter the world.  And they realize they were on the same flight.

YES, I was right.  It’s that song.  I guess Claire doesn’t have a connection to that song, like before.

PREDICTION: Jack and Locke end up on the island together, alone.  In the end.  Just like Jacob and Smokey.

And the calvary rushes the camp!  Or the submarine!  Whatever.  I think it’s a bad idea to go down there.  Where are the guards?  That little nerdy girl is waiting somewhere I’m sure.

OH, IN THE WATER!

KATE’S DOWN!

SMOKEY’S BACK!

HE LEFT CLAIRE!

BOMB! BOMB! BOMB!

Wow, I can’t believe it’s only been 42 minutes!  We need a MaGuyver - or, a Sayid.

Hmm, I think Jack is right.  I don’t think he’s going to blow them up.  Jack’s right, he figured it out, Smokey can’t kill them.

OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD!

SAYID!

Dude, that wasn’t much of an explosion.  I thought it would make the whole sub blow-up.  I guess I spoke too soon.  Seems to have caused a lot of damage.  It’s all Titanic up in here!!

“There is no Sayid!!”

Shit, shit, shit, shit!!

Oh god, oh god, oh god!!

This is so awful.  I can’t even watch.  MAKE. IT. STOP.

WILL NO ONE THINK OF THE CHILD!?

This is Titanic all over again.  It’s 1997 and I’m screaming for Rose to move over and make room for Jack on the damn piece of wood.  “Jack!  It’s the boat Jack!”

AND IT’S STILL NOT OVER!!!???  WHAT IS GOING ON ABC??!!  THAT WASN’T A GOOD ENOUGH ENDING FOR ONE EPISODE???!!!

Ok, ok.  This madness has to stop.  I can’t believe they shoved every piece of action into this one episode.  Un-freaking-believable.

Locke was in a plane crash with his dad.  Holy hell.  He’s punishing himself.   Their dads are both gone.  They are going to help one another.  I love it.  I love it.

I almost forgot that JIN AND SUN ARE BOTH DEAD!!

OH!  THE LINE!  JACK SAID IT!  JOHN REMEMBERS!

Or, he doesn’t.

Damn it.

And then there were four.

Isn’t Kate dying?  Hello?!

Smokey and Claire are going to be PISSED.

Smokey’s going after Desmond I assume?

FINAL WORD:  This epsiode is beyond words.  I mean, besides the 1,000 I just wrote.  I can’t even wait to see what they do next week.

YES!!! Finally some answers! Jack and Smokey are having a “Come to Jesus” meeting, where he reveals that he was walking around as Jack’s father back in Season 1. I feel so…vindicated. It only took six years.

Smokey’s making a lot of sense, which scares me. Well,then he throws in “it has to be all of us” business, which I think it BS. Oh, and now he’s making fun of MY Locke - homey don’t play that. No one puts baby in the corner!

Jack has his hands full today. Sun AND Locke. Also, apparently Sun recognizes Locke.

Aww, Jack and Claire are united as siblings! Even though she’s the ugliest ever, I’m still glad they are finally talking….ugh, nevermind. Claire is talking creepy. Just, nevermind.

“Who the hell’s Anakin?” I love me some Sawyer. Finally, someone who CAN talk. Dude, I will never get used to him being a cop in ALT-world. Too, too weird.

They are both wearing leather jackets. How cute are they? And we should have one of them remember the other (or both at once) just about the time that the Feds show up…I’ll bet you a hundred. Oh Kate, always the hustler. Messing with Sawyer. And who the hell leaves Kate by herself? Does no one learn, in any world?

Back on the island, things are way too confusing. I cannot for the life of me remember who hasn’t seen each other in awhile (how long? who knows?). Oh great, here comes that nerdy girl. I don’t like her at all.

So what did Locke steal? Oh, that’s right, Desmond. See?! See how confused I am!?

Desmond is on with his mission, to make contact with all the passengers. I like seeing Claire with her pretty hair and normal attitude. Weird, why is Alana looking for Claire? Wait, must be that Jack’s dad (her pops) left her that money.

Smokey is such a liar, not telling the group about Desmond. Provoking the group into fighting the others. Gross, using Sayid’s broken (zombie) heart to make him kill Desmond. What’s the point of killing Desmond?

Oh, look at Desmond, all philosophical and rational. And look at Miles and Sawyer, tag-teaming it to catch Sayid. All kinds of stuff going on this episode.

Uh-oh, Jack, you pissed off your little sister. Better watch your back, crazy’s coming after you.

Claire’s gonna bust your ass. Man, I think she’s going to kill Kate. Wait, she’s talking baby to Claire, Aaron baby, I think we’re going to get through to her. Yeah, there’s the LOST music, I think we’re safe.

Haha, I forgot all about Jack having a kid too. Man, too much going on. Shouldn’t he be at the hospital saving Sun and Locke?

“Get off my damn boat.”

How many times has Sawyer/Jack had the “the island isn’t done with us” and “I’m done with the island?”

And there goes Jack.

Alright Jack, way to save Sun and the baby. Now what about Locke? Nevermind, he didn’t save them. He just arrived. Time to save Locke.

“Yeah, I got this.”

Go Jack!

And there’s the mirror, the same motif as the other LOST episodes. But instead of seeing himself, he sees…wait for it….Locke! They are one in the same.

YAY!!! YAY!!! HANDS UP!!! HANDS UP FOR JIN AND SUN!!!

Although, for the record, I think they would have been speaking in Korean.

Umm, see, I told you that nerdy bitch was a liar.

OH SHIT!!!!

Jack saved Locke. And I loved the nod to the first plan crash, the view from ground where Jack lie and the flames around him.

ALL IN ALL: Great episode. Fantastico!

PREVIEWS: They look amazing. I can’t wait!

“Everybody Loves Hugo” is the title of tonight’s episode, and a phrase I’ve said plenty of times in the last six seasons. I’m scared, bc it looks like Hugo’s dead at the beginning of the episode, as though we’re at a memorial service. And it’s Miles’ dad who is, instead, introducing “Man of the Year,” Hugo Reyes!

Excellent.

So Hugo has everything, but love…in the ALT world. Back on the island, he has love…or he has loved. I guess Michael showing up proves that he *really* is dead. Like dead dead.

Dude, I don’t believe that Hugo, MULTI MILLION DOLLAR HUGO, can’t find a date. He might be fat, but he’s rich. And when you’re a fat man, and you’re rich, you’re all set.

So Libby remembers Hugo, and apparently is in the funny-house she was in back in the past on the island world. I think we’re going to forgive Rosalita for standing up Hugo (that bitch).

Dude, that girl just blew up….and her parts went everywhere. “Pink Mist” is what that’s called (I learned that from Grey’s Anatomy.”)

Looks like everyone’s in the episode. I see Kate - which reminds me, why isn’t she one of the candidates!? I want to know.

Crazy Sayid is back. And crazy Desmond is ‘totes fine with being tied up. WTF?

Oh good, Desmond has the manifest and is now trying to help Hugo see the other life. Wait, that’s it. That’s all the “push” he gave Hugo? He didn’t tell him more than that??

So Desmond’s all “I have nowhere to run” and isn’t afraid of dying…and thinks he’s John Locke.

Hugo blew-up the ship? Ahh, I see, he needed to get rid of the dynamite.

And now he’s back in the looney bin, just like before. I wonder why he can’t remember Libby, or any of the island, like the others do.

Well, not that Hugo’s find Libby, he’s officially got the best life out of everyone - island or ALT.

And there’s that boy again, smiling this time. Is that Jacob?

Hugo’s pretending to talk to Jacob, I think. And now Ben’s in with Richard, which isn’t a big surprise. He’s all about staying on the island, so blowing up the plane makes sense.

Woah. Jack finally admits he can’t fix everything. Amazing. A break-through. He’s letting go. Oh great, now Hurley’s doubting himself.

So Michael’s stuck on the island because of what he did. The whispers are all the people who can’t move on. Wow. Actual breakthrough.

And Michael knows where Locke is!!! The real Locke!

Haha, they are having a picnic on the beach. Oh Libby, why don’t you be ironic. Funny. Oh, it’s like a fairy tale; the kiss leads to Hurley remembering shit.

And Desmond followed-up, just to make sure it happened.

Oh great, is Smokey going to shove him in the well?

Yeah, that’s what I figured. He sure had no problem USING ONE HAND to throw him in there.

So why did Michael send Hugo to Smokey? I mean, was Hugo asking to see Smokey or the real Locke?

And there’s my Lost music!

Ooh, why is Locke giving Jack the evil eye?

Desmond found Locke! I missed my Locke. HAHAHAH, and Ben. Ben trying to get rid of the “pedofile.” So I’m guessing this Ben has no memories of the island.

I bet that accident was enough to trigger Locke’s memories. And get him to Jack so he can save his legs.

NEXT WEEK: Jesus, do we have to play that creepy-ass music from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in the background!? Do we!?

Interesting beginning to the episode…like the type of camera they use in war. Infrared or something, the kind you can shoot in the dark.

So we are trying to figure out who Jacob was referring to when he wrote “Kwon” on the wall. Does he mean Jin, Sun…or the baby, perhaps.

Wait. Why aren’t they married? WTF?

Poor, Sayid. That rebirth (or whatever happened to him) has left him feeling nothing. I kinda don’t even like that they left him alive if he’s not Sayid anymore.

Oh great, they’re being attacked by the others. With those weird shot-bullets we’ve seen in prior seasons. And there’s the “camera” we saw earlier, those night-vision goggles. If they came for Jin, they must know where Sun is.

Back to the beach. I’m happy this episode has both Jack and Sawyer in it. Oooh, Sun is PISSED.

Back to the ALT world. Where apparently they don’t even date each other publicly. And they are making their own little asian porn flick in their hotel.

Ironic that Sun turns down the one person who will actually take her to Jin. They both distrust him.

And look who looks super-guilty. Why it’s Mr. Kwon. Oh shit, who’s at the door? Her dad perhaps? He’s always lurking around. Uh oh, that boy is trouble. Why is he looking in her room and not Jin’s? I guess he already went there and figured out they were together.

Yeah, I hate it when Neu-Sayid talks. He sounds so…void…of everything.

Oh damn, Jin’s in that crazy movie theater from the Dharma initiative. I’m impressed, Jin knew that he was with Whitmore’s people. Speaking of Neu-people, I hate this Neu-Claire.

“No, cause that’d be ridiculous.” - God I love Sawyer.

Oh! Jin will be at the restaurant and that’s when Sayid will kill the evil guy! It’s all coming together now. I like it when loose ends get tied.

“She hits her head and forgets English. We’re supposed to buy that?” Miles = Awesome.

Hee hee, these people don’t know about Neu-Locke. You can’t kill that bitch. Charles is not a good liar. At all. Apparently these pylons(?) keep ole’ Smokey out.

Sun is pissed!

Crap. Sun’s father sucks, in every world. Wow, he was paying that evil guy off to kill Jin. I can’t wait for Sayid to show up.

Aww, little Kwon is so adorable! Did Charles bring her to the island?

Wow, this is like watching “Back to the Future.” Going back and forth in time. Yes for Sayid! And now Jin is going to save Sun!

Crap! Crap! Crap! He accidentally shot her (I knew it!). And she’s preggers (I knew that too!).

Sun takes Jake’s hand. Apparently touching people is very important on the island.

Wow, Kate’s only had like one sentence in the whole episode. With Sawyer, which makes it good time.

Shit….Neu-Sayid is on a mission. Why did they bring him on the island??

CHANNEL 7 NEWS, I HATE YOU!!! YOU INTERRUPTED THE ‘NEXT WEEK ON LOST’ TO GIVE ME A WEATHER UPDATE??!!! I HATE YOU.

Alpert! So excited for this episode.

Jacob’s not a bad-looking guy, I gotta say. He’s got a good look to him. So Ana (is this supposed to be the new Ana Lucia?) is the protector of this Motley Crew? Nice.

Ricardo’s gone off the deep end a bit. And I can’t say I blame him. Living up on the island for god knows how long, never aging (a plus!), playing along with what this man has told you; and then the man up and dies and you have nothing.

So he believes (knows!) we’re all in hell (a major LOST theory) and has decided to go follow someone else. Who I’m guessing is old Smokey. Fine. Leave Jack (with his REALLY GOOD looking hair) and the rest of the bunch, we don’t need ya!

“If it’s any consolation, it’s not EXACTLY Locke.” - Ben

And now the history of Richard “Ricardo” Alpert!!

Man, what year is this? Horse-riding, Spanish-speaking — woah, “Isabella” looks like Nadia. And Selma Hayek. And she’s dying. Perhaps she has the consumption?

Uggh, I already don’t like this. This awful doctor deserves to die…and that’s exactly what happens. Nice. I’m ok with that. And we’re too late for Isabella. Why is it that he waited so damn long to get the doctor?

The New World? Dude, what is this, 1492? What’s up with all these people being so mean to Little Richard? This priest is just AWFUL. Oh great, now he’s a slave. Things just suck for him. He’s like the Job of the 16th Century.

So if they are going from Spain to the US, how the hell did they land on the island? I mean, they didn’t go east did they? Makes no sense. Whatever, I’ll add it to the list.

And now we know about the Black Rock’s beginnings. Yes, Smokey’s arrived to saw Ricardo! I love it.

Man, this is the saddest/worst story ever. Ri-dic-ulous. Eeww! Boar is eating people! Nail is gone now. And here comes Isabella — to tell him that they’re all dead. Great. So why would Smokey kill (the already dead) Isabella? She’s innocent. And things just get worse.

Now we have SMOKEY’S healing hand to save him. Well, at least to confirm that we are in hell. So Smokey is saying he’s not Smokey? I don’t get this. He’s just a big liar? And why doesn’t he have a name!? So irritated I have to keep calling him Smokey.

Is this one of Smokey’s many attempts to get someone to kill Jacob?

So Smokey is calling Jacob the devil. He gives him the same speech that the marital arts guy gave to Sayid. Both believing that the other person is the devil; or at least tell the murderer that they believe they are. And the idea that they can’t allow the other person to speak first? I know there’s more to that.

Jacob’s got some killer moves. Literally. Haha! This Jacob of yore is pretty funny. Trying to drown the unluckiest man alive. Denying they are in hell. Denying they are dead.

Why does Jacob give his name but Smokey doesn’t?

So the island acts like a cork for hell? Everyone gets a clean-slate on the island. Jacob believes in the good of people, but he won’t “help them.” They must help themselves. Smokey believes that all people are evil. Jacob brings people to the island to prove Smokey wrong. However, they’ve all died up until this point. Not really a good sign. Not really the best track record.

Richard passes the rock to Smokey. And Smokey doesn’t kill him (not that he could) and he gives him his wife’s necklace. So nice. Which he buries. Jesus, finally something good to come to poor Richard.

Richard is on his way to Smokey, I presume. But first to pick-up the necklace. I love how he’s repeating an offer that was made, oh, 500 years ago.

Haha, Hurley! He was speaking to Isabella! I knew it…but only three seconds before it happened.

I wonder if Isabella really said that to Hurley or if Jacob told him to.

So back to 1500s Jacob and Smokey. Why won’t Jacob let him leave…is it because he’s the devil? So Jacob has to protect the Earth from it? That’s my best guess.

Next week….looks like we’ve got the story of the Kwons.

I’m a little miffed at my DVR. It starts recording a little late for all my shows now. I don’t think I missed anything from this episode of LOST, but it certainly didn’t record the “last week on LOST” part. So, without further ado…

So I’m up to Season 6 again on LOST - I rewatched all the seasons in the last month basically. And one thing I’ve taken away? Sawyer says “son of a bitch” like 1,000 times, and it’s always funny. Ok, back to this week. Sawyer is living in the worst looking hut I’ve ever seen; it’s made of twigs and like toilet seats, I swear. Kate shows up with the anti-Locke.

And back in ALT world, Sawyer is running his con (of course). Ha, he’s found himself a con girl. Hmm, it’s so hard for me to recognize if he’s lying….WHAT?! He’s a freaking cop!? With Miles!? Wow. I totally didn’t see that one. Again. What is it about not having “the island” in his life, or Jacob visit him when his parents died, that altered his life so much? And Miles too. I just don’t get the rationalization behind ALT world. But I guess there isn’t anything rational about it. Whateves.

Christ, there is nothing funnier, and more disturbing, that Claire’s monster fake baby. WTF. Anti-Locke is presenting himself as a customer service line, “I’ll be here all night to take your calls, folks!” Umm, Kate, I’d get the hell away from Claire if I were you. She’s gonna put one in the back of your head….speaking of which, why hasn’t Jin warned her??

Oh, there’s Detective Ford chatting with Locke’s daddy on the phone. So he hasn’t given up the search. Well, not Locke’s daddy exactly. Tee hee, Miles’ dad is alive! And he’s setting up Sawyer on a date. This is so NYPD Blue, I love it. Are we supposed to pull from this ALT story that people are always the same inside and will get to the same end no matter what. Sawyer may be a cop, but he wants the same thing the con guy wants - Tom Sawyer.

Hmm, Monster Locke confesses to being the monster. Interesting. LOST is all about being truthful these days. Sawyer’s running recon on the other island. Doesn’t he see that Smokey is full of crap? He’s not giving him enough reason to do anything, in order to get off the island. What’s the real story?

And here’s Charlotte! Man, I was really hoping it was Juliet. You know, I don’t buy this Detective Ford story; he doesn’t have the attitude of a cop, he just doesn’t. And they’re having sex? Wow, these people are whores. Ha! “Watership Down!” One of my favorites.

And Detective Ford flips! Touchy, touchy. Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Sawyer is back on the other island, back to the cages. The scene of love for he and Kate.

What’s up with Sayid? He crazy now? Well, at least he knows he’s crazy.

HAHAHAHAH! Kate’s being attacked by the bush woman and he’s not helping her!

BOOM! Claire! You just got knocked the F out! (Friday, anyone?)

I like Sawyer’s hair being shorter. It’s nice.

Man, pile ‘o bodies. Not cool. And who’s this nerd with the glasses?

YES! Charlie’s brother! There are way too many exclamation points in the post.

Miles is so cute when’s angry and offended. And Sawyer is coming out, full force.

Oh, and there’s the mirror shot (they do this in each alternate world episode).

So I don’t know about this chick. Seems fishy. What plane was she on?

Uh oh, Smokey is coming to coerce Kate into liking him. He’s very truthful, when he wants to be. Don’t take his hand…look at his teeth, they are too white! He’s bad news.

This chick asks WAY too many questions. YES. Go Sawyer! Con man knows a con.

“Take me to your leader.” Cute.

[I don't like watching commercials during LOST because the V commercials creep me out with their Charlie and Juliet people on them]

So Smokey Locke and Kate are having a heart-to-heart. Who’s Smokey’s mom? I love how no one asks him any real questions about himself, they just let him talk.

Aww, poor Aaron has a crazy mother too. It’s true.

Ok, so Sawyer is with some castaways, or something, and they have access to a sub?? Really? This is where their leader resides?

ALT Sawyer is watching “Little House on the Prairie!!!!” I knew this was the best show ever. If they realize the awesomeness that is “Little House,” they are A-OK in my book! Man, I miss Michael Landon.

So back on the sub, we’ve got Charles Whitmore. Oh yeah, I forgot about him arriving at the very end of last episode. Makes sense.

Where are Ben and Jack? I miss them.

Heart-to-heart with Whitmore, where Sawyer’s making deals with all kinds of devils. Now, why does Whitmore want to kill Smokey and not Ben. Or does Whitmore think he’s talking about Ben?

Don’t put the gun away, Kate. You’re stupid. Don’t believe her tears. She’s crazy-town, usa now.

And now Sawyer is being straight with Smokey. Look how proud Smokey is of Sawyer’s loyalty. So I guess no double-crossing afterall.

Aww, and now Sawyer is sharing his story with Miles. Shouldn’t Miles know about Sawyer’s parents? Come, now, I don’t believe that.

Holy crap! Is that Kate?! I bet it is. “Son of a bitch” (with a smirk). Ha!

So how is a sub easier to maneuver than plane? I guess we’ll find out.

NEXT WEEK: Alpert’s tale! Woot!

[The man who does the voiceover for Flash Forward sounds like Morgan Freeman. I wonder if it is. Also, there's Penny. Dude, is that three LOST people!? Wait, is Juliet on V? Maybe that's where she went. Ok, nevermind.]

I really have to say, there’s no one on LOST with better -isms on the show than Ben. I think Sawyer might come in a close second.

So we find Ben running to the group, letting them know of Dogen’s death by Sayid. RIP.

Now we find alt-world Ben in the classroom, molding young minds. Ironically (or actually, not really) he’s teaching the class about a leader who loses control of his…go on and say it…ISLAND. It’s the worst thing to happen to dear Ben- err, NAPOLEON, and he “might as well be dead.” Wow, that’s laying it on a bit thick, eh LOST writers? Come on now.

So, DOCTOR Linus has to cover detention. Nice. And that stupid science teacher is back - you know, the one NO ONE REMEMBERS OR CARES ABOUT.

Oh, I love it. Substitute Locke is pushing Dr. Linus to become principal. And we all know what the last three letters of principal spells! P-A-L! Yes, when I think of Ben Linus, I think PAL.

Miles is back to speaking with the dead, which I love. And he just outed Ben as Jacob’s killer. Now tell me, who’s this woman with them? I swear she’s been on several episode and I still have no clue who she is. Why is Jacob the closest thing she’s had to a father? She from the island? Too hard to keep this shit straight. Anyways, she’ll probably kill Ben. And speaking of the good Doctor, why does he even bother lying about it? It’s painfully obvious he did it.

OMG, Roger Linus! Look at that old bald man! Wow, they went to the island….and then left. Wow. HAHA! Alex is his student! Dude, are you telling me Rousseau is now a Real Housewife of L.A.?? I need to see this.

So this girl is in charge of protecting the candidates. And let’s just say it, one Kwon is as good as the other

Where is Hurley leading Jack - he’s so bad at tricking people. And there’s ageless Richard, to lead them to the Temple.

“Dude, do you trust that guy?”
“At least he’s not stalling.”

Yeah, that woman is totally going to kill Ben. And make him dig his own grave. Tragic.

Ok, please tell me Alex doesn’t have a thing for Dr. Linus. Cause I’ll barf. Right now.

East India Trading Company! I miss history class. So the principal is the pervert — and we have the turning point. Where “good” Ben finally finds the information he’s been looking for to overthrow the old leader, and turns to “bad” Ben.

Awww, Jacob loved Ben. Man, Miles has the greatest superhero power ever!

Ha! Hurley has some damn good lines. He gets third place. Pulling a Terminator reference to Richard, love it. Almost as much as I love his Back to the Future reference.

Woah! And now Richard doesn’t believe in Jacob, and he wants to…die? Now who’s being “overdramatic”?

Ben’s ready to use his new-found power, via email accounts. Also, Science teacher is the same both off and on the island. Stupid and useless and forgettable.

AND…here comes Jack to save Richard. There’s something new.

Richard has lost his faith. What is Jack up to? Umm, why doesn’t Richard know about the Lighthouse? Seriously, he’s been on the damn island forever and he doesn’t know what’s in the Lighthouse? Please.

Look at Jack, who’s faith has been restored! Loves it. And poor Richard doesn’t get his wish. Yes, yes Jack. Let’s go back to where we started. Which I’m guessing is the beach.

Cash-register Monster! I mean the anti-Locke. Where is Sawyer? I don’t like episodes without Sawyer. Oh, so now Smokey wants to give Ben the island? What’s the catch?

Oh, smackdown on Reynolds! Go Dr. Linus. Poor Ben, why can’t he get anything the legit way? Also, I call BS on Reynolds torching Alex. Ben could get him to do both things - resign and write the letter of recommendation. That’s stupid.

Anyways…back to the island. Ben’s not going to kill her. He just wants to explain to someone, anyone, how hurt he is. I have a feeling that the Bodyguard isn’t going to give a damn. She’s going to kill him. Oh god, he’s so pathetic, wanting to go to Locke. Wait. She’s not going to kill him. She’s going to take him in?? Who’s this girl, Jesus?

Ok, Principal Reynolds did write that nice letter AND Linus got back this “little club.” And then he goes and offers his parking space to the stupid-ass science teacher. You know, I’m beginning to think ole’ science teacher is the real devil.

Wow, Ben is redeemed. Off and on the island. Amazing.

Principal Reynolds is a douche, by the way.

Oh, I love Ben. I really do. He’s given up his power. He’s given up the island. He just wants to help. Ben….ahhhh.

HA! Miles dug up the diamonds.

Bodyguard is crying. Slow-motion music time…it defines LOST. It’s all about people returning to the beach and everyone running up to great them like it’s the best family reunion ever. You know, I have no idea how long it’s been since Jack and Hurley have seen Sun. No idea.

The new gang is together. I like it.

HEY NOW: Charles W. found the island!!

So…all in all, excellent episode. I really enjoyed it and felt as thought it accomplished a ton for one hour. Much better than last week’s in my opinion. Right up there with the Locke episode. I actually loved that there wasn’t a lot of action. I feel like we need to focus on the characters’ resolution, and that is better served by words and not actions.

I’m super excited Ben didn’t die.

Top 10 Movies?  Forget that, more like Top 10 Dresses!

Denva and I are watching the Oscars and have a few comments that we’d like to share….

What’s with all the Oompa Loompas?!  Everyone is orange! Except, 1) British People  2) Old People  3) Comedians (i.e. Tina Fey). 4) Women who star in Vampire movies.  Biggest offender so far, SJP.  She’s looks like an Oscar.  Gold dress, orange/gold skin.  Ugh.

Also, watching the pre-show on ABC….what’s up with Kathy Ireland?  I haven’t seen her since the mid-90s, when I used to workout to her fitness videos.  No, really.  Where did she come from!?

1. Cameron Diaz - Her hair looks amazing. Dress reminds me of one that Miley Cyrus wore last year I think, maybe to the Oscars?

2. Miley Cyrus - Gorgeous, best we’ve ever seen her. Ok, so we’ve only seen her for a few years, but still. I really love this.  And yes, I agree with Andrea, she needs to stop slumping her shoulders!

3. Kate Winslet - We just love her. Love. Her. And I’m also glad she’s stepping outside her box and wearing NOT black. With a body like that, she needs to flaunt it all day, everyday.

4. Sandra Bullock - Seriously Stunning. She’s had some good choices this season, but this tops them all. And it should, being the Oscars and being that she’s nominated for Best Actress. Also love the lipstick shade.  That’ll do, Sandra, that’ll do.

5. Vera Farmiga - This is a different choice for me. You might be thinking “I owed that Barbie doll in 1987″ but I really love it. Up close, not so much. It’s more of a Monet.  Beautiful from afar. And I love love love the color!

6. Rachel McAdams - I’m biased, I love everything she’s been in. Granted, this is not as fancy as an Oscars dress usually is, but I’m drawn to the water colors. And she pulls it off so well.  Only thing I would have liked, a necklace.  I realize she has big earrings on, but I think a statement necklace would have been a wiser choice.

7. Jennifer Lopez - Yes, we’re serious, we love the dress. Actually, D is really pushing for it, but I agree; she looks good. Also, sidenote, it looks like a stronger purple on screen and that looks great.

8. Mariska Hargitay - What a great black dress. I normally don’t go for black, for Awards Shows anyhow, but this is really unique to me. It reminds me of a wedding dress I like - perhaps an idea for those girls who get married and then subsequently nominated for an Academy Award? Yeah, not likely.

Ok, so that’s technically 8. I’m still deciding! Give me a night.

We have a Sayid-centric episode tonight, which I am looking forward to.  I argreed with Doc Jensen’s opinion of last week’s episode not being as great as the week before…and then coming to realize, upon second glance, that it was still a good episode.  Anyhoo…

Here we go!

Shit!  My DVR starting taping after the start - Sayid and Dogen were already battling when the taping began.  Did i miss anything?  Hmm, Dogen didn’t kill him because of the sound of a baseball hitting the floor?  Well, that’s what it looked like.  And now he’s banished him.

Jungle Claire, looking very white trash with her mullet, is working with Smokey.  So Claire knows that’s not John, I wonder who she thinks he is?

So ALT world Sayid is living on a friend’s couch or something.  And this friend wants Sayid to bully around some guys for him - some mobster people.  But Sayid says he’s not that man anymore…haven’t we heard that one before?  Like a few times?

I guess Smokey can’t go into the temple; it’s safe grounds or something.

Now that Jacob is gone, Smokey is free.  Free from what?  He can’t go into the temple….I guess he’s free to leave the island?  And why can’t Dogen kill Smokey, why does Sayid have to?  Does anyone do their own dirty work on this island??

Mr. Mom is hanging out with some kids.  Apparently this is the Sayid in hibernation, vs. the bear we know on the island.  (Does anyone get that Legends of the Fall reference?) Dude, Nadia married some other guy?  That’s crappy.  Looks like the bear needs to wake up - winter’s almost over.

Haha, I love how everyone is coming and going as they please now, through the temple.  Like suddenly it’s fine, people can do what they want.  So is Sayid going to see Smokey appear as Nadia?  Is that the deal?  Wait, Smokey’s in his “smokey” form…and now he’s John Locke.  Haha, it didn’t work.  Knife in stomach was no good - why didn’t they show that happening?  That would have been a cool effect.

Dogen was stupid to send Sayid out there; he should have known Smokey wouldn’t kill Sayid.   And there he goes promising people the world.  Messing with Sayid’s mind; the only way to see Nadia is for him to DIE.

So, Sayid dissed Nadia?  And pushed him to his BROTHER??  I didn’t even know he had a brother.  And what’s this BS about not deserving her? That might be true, but ole’ Omar is certainly not the next best choice.  Damn.

Ok, so there are some ultimatums.  Of course.  Sundown - either stay in the temple and die, leave island, or leave the temple and stay on the island.  Of course, I think trying to stay on the island but not temple leaves you dead as well.

The conversation between Kate and Claire didn’t go so hot.  I feel like there’s poor communication among the survivors.  Where’s Jin to tell everyone that Claire is batshit crazy and will kill whoever has Aaron?  Cause that would be really helpful right now. KTHXBAI.

Yeah, I think Jacob is bluffing.  And I think Sayid is gonna kill Dogen.

Shit, they are trying to mess with my new and improved Sayid?  Old habits die hard, that’s all I have to say.  Watch out, bitches.  Haha, it’s that crazy soldier from the island.  The one who killed Alex - Mr. Evil G.I. Joe.

That’s what I said, bitches!!  You don’t mess with Sayid!  He’s going to kill him.  Yup.

Uh oh, who is that?  Jin!  I love it.  Love the cross-over.

So Dogen was approached by the Darma people, I guess.  Oh, it was Jacob.  And Smokey offered the same deal.  They offered the same deal.  Hmm.  Yeah, I didn’t think Sayid was going to let him get off that easy, but just giving him the story about his son as an excuse for not killing Sayid.  I mean, god, that didn’t even make sense. NOTE: The baseball shaking Dogen up makes sense, now.  His son played baseball and died.  I guess the baseball falling symbolized life and what he gave up to be there.

I love that dirty water…

Woah!  He killed the hippie!  He made a deal with Smokey and that’s why he killed them all.  Dude.  That is serious.  IS Sayid stupid enough to think that Smokey can really get Nadia back there?  I mean, really?

Oh, don’t kill Miles.  I like him.   And here are the other survivors.

Oh dear, Sayid is crazytimeusa.

Great, the Jin and Sun game.  They never catch a break.

This is quite the blood bath.  Smokey is a real bitch.  And that Claire music is creepy.  So Smokey has quite the band with him now.  Oh god, not Kate.  Oh shit.  Don’t go!

REVIEW: Didn’t like this episode.  Very spliced together.  Not enough of an explanation about ALT world Sayid.  Not believable to me, that Sayid would turn like that.  Unless he really is possessed.

NEXT WEEK: It looks like Ben dies next week.  I don’t like that one bit.